Naheel Al Qassas Story 16

Raji is the youngest of my siblings. My little brother is a sensitive and warm person. He’s ambitious and has a big dream to become a civil engineer. Raji loves life, soccer, and playing with our niece, Elia.

Raji witnessed all the wars on Gaza since he was born, and he did not enjoy his childhood like other kids… and he hasn’t achieved any of his dreams in this life…

My brother’s fears are my biggest worry, for each time I look at Raji, I see hope in the future. Now, I feel major helplessness towards him as if I carry the burden of the responsibility of his well-being over my shoulders. He has seen nothing of this life, except nonstop war and destruction.

My father always told me: “Naheel, I have grown old and not much of life is in me. My health may fail any day, and my duties on this earth will end with it. I worry for little Raji who has not yet accomplished what you and your siblings did academically, nor has he had any chances at life yet. I ask you to embrace and care for him like I did for you.” Those words of my father’s linger in my ears and continue to pain me more and more.

Raji says he feels bored, exhausted, and scared. He always repeats: “I am bored and sick of the shelling! When will we be rid of it? I am scared of death!”

The hardships of life have stolen Raji’s childhood and forced him to grow up early, just like it did to other children in Gaza. Raji asks question beyond his age and has thoughts bigger than his youth. For he thinks about death before he could live; and aches of loss before he could enjoy existence.” Every night, he says: “I want to sleep next to mom so we die together.” And he tells my mom: “Don’t leave me for I will go with you to Heaven!!”

He feels extremely angry at rockets and the sound of drones and wonders: “why do they bomb us! I feel I am about to die! God, when will this war end?! I want to go to school and see my friends! I know nothing about them and am terrified they are all dead in this war that is killing all kids my age…”

Naheel Al Qassas

Mental Health Professional, UPA – Gaza, Palestine
9 November 2023

To read all stories in the series: http://upaconnect.org/category/gaza2023